Fair Weather Confidante Poems by Christopher Barnes

Fair Weather Confidante
We’ll not howdy-do you once more
Now you’re in Parliament.
Votes fabricated, you’re exorbitantly loaded,
You’ll shove consorting with us.
Toothy grins aren’t engaged,
Qualms are ballooning.
The bank’s your handpicked chum.
The Former Mrs. Homer
So In a twitch, you’re divorced.
On blue moons we’ll dwell upon you.
All that consorting with your ex-hitch
Didn’t woo you.
The fleshy debauchery sears.
Those hearts-and-flowers you once gave away
Seem pipe dreams now…a laughingstock.
Gayla Joy
The blowout’s intemperate,
Good morning – you’re safe havened from rehab.
Granny’s manic on whiz,
Daddums’ swigged a Pilsner loch.
The missy you cried off to us
Retches in a dog bowl.
Welcome back Sis, we’ve enough for you.
Goodtime Sheryl
An earth-shaking straw in the wind.
Quit hoarding all over-the-counters together.
Multi-vitamins aren’t morning-after remedies;
Pronto, something unlooked-for fattens.
Cobwebbed Gifts
We’re sad-voiced that hoarder, Aiden Muchene, croaked.
The Will sound-out bequeaths you all.
Musing helpfully, it was a benevolent gesture.
It’ll take a glacial epoch to unsnarl –
Five skips invincible
To release the draff.

In 1998 I won a Northern Arts writers award. In July 200 I read at Waterstones bookshop to promote the anthology ‘Titles Are Bitches’. Christmas 2001 I debuted at Newcastle’s famous Morden Tower doing a reading of my poems. Each year I read for Proudwords lesbian and gay writing festival and I partook in workshops. 2005 saw the publication of my collection LOVEBITES published by Chanticleer Press, 6/1 Jamaica Mews, Edinburgh.
On Saturday 16Th August 2003 I read at the Edinburgh Festival as a Per Verse poet at LGBT Centre, Broughton St.
Christmas 2001 The Northern Cultural Skills Partnership sponsored me to be mentored by Andy Croft in conjunction with New Writing North. I made a radio programme for Web FM community radio about my writing group. October-November 2005, I entered a poem/visual image into the art exhibition The Art Cafe Project, his piece Post-Mark was shown in Betty’s Newcastle. This event was sponsored by Pride On The Tyne. I made a digital film with artists Kate Sweeney and Julie Ballands at a film making workshop called Out Of The Picture which was shown at the festival party for Proudwords, it contains my poem The Old Heave-Ho. I worked on a collaborative art and literature project called How Gay Are Your Genes, facilitated by Lisa Mathews (poet) which exhibited at The Hatton Gallery, Newcastle University, including a film piece by the artist Predrag Pajdic in which I read my poem On Brenkley St. The event was funded by The Policy, Ethics and Life Sciences Research Institute, Bio-science Centre at Newcastle’s Centre for Life. I was involved in the Five Arts Cities poetry postcard event which exhibited at The Seven Stories children’s literature building.
The South Bank Centre in London recorded my poem “The Holiday I Never Had”, I can be heard reading it on www.poetrymagazines.org.uk/magazine/record.asp?id=18456
REVIEWS: I have written poetry reviews for Poetry Scotland and Jacket Magazine and in August 2007 I made a film called ‘A Blank Screen, 60 seconds, 1 shot’ for Queerbeats Festival at The Star & Shadow Cinema Newcastle, reviewing a poem… On September 4 2010, I read at the Callander Poetry Weekend hosted by Poetry Scotland. I have also written Art Criticism for Peel and Combustus Magazines. I was involved in The Creative Engagement In Research Programme Research Constellation exhibitions of writing and photography which showed in London (march 13 2012) and Edinburgh (July 4 2013)
Robin Ouzman Hislop is Editor of Poetry Life and Times his publications include All the Babble of the Souk and Cartoon Molecules collected poems and Key of Mist the recently published Tesserae translations from Spanish poets Guadalupe Grande and Carmen Crespo  visit Aquillrelle.com/Author Robin Ouzman Hislop about author.  See Robin performing his work Performance (Leeds University) 

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