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and what i want to know 2010

Janet Kuypers
(poetry converted to prose)

    I’ve been dreaming of you lately. Usually, in my dreams, I see you for just a short while, then you have to leave. Maybe you tell me you miss me. Maybe you kiss me. Last night, when you left me once again I drove after you to the airport so I could say goodbye to you one more time.
    In my dreams you’re always with me. In my dreams you’re always leaving me. In my dreams I run after you. Just to say goodbye again.
    And what I want to know is when are these dreams going to stop.
    And what I want to know is are you dreaming of me too.
    I daydream about you in the mornings while my legs are still tangled in my sheets. I close my eyes, so I can feel you there, curled up against me. Why - why do I have to get out of this bed.
    And what I want to know is if you saw me hit by a car, my lifeless body lying in the street, would you hold me up against you, would you hold my limp arms in your coarse hands. Would you rock me to sleep. Would you cry. Would you not want to say goodbye.
    And what I want to know is if you saw the car speeding toward me would you instantly run to me because life is no longer life without the one you love.
    I know what I would say. I know my answers.
    And what I want to know is if I will live like this forever. And what I want to know is if I’m going to suffer this alone.
    And what I want to know is are you dreaming of me too.




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Chicago poet Janet Kuypers
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