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Thinks That Through 2005

started 10/24/98, converted to prose 09/28/05

I wonder how many times I’ve gone through this. I always want something and I never get it. Each time it happens, I just remind myself that I have to kill a little part of me and just go on without what I want.
There are some things we don’t have control over... But I’ve been wanting all of the pieces to fall into place for me. At this rate, I’m going to have to try to put all the pieces in place for myself. At this rate, I’m not going to get what I want, I’m going to always be ten years late in having needs and wants and if I’m going to ever get them, because for my usual problems, well, people got over that ten tears ago...
What did I want? A happy ending, one that shouldn’t be so impossible to get. That hasn’t happened yet. I wonder if other people think like this. I wonder if I’m the only one who thinks like this. Will I be the only one hurting from the same things?

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