[the Writing of Kuypers][JanetKuypers.com][Bio][Poems][Prose]


Suspend My Beliefs 2005

started 11/14/98, converted to prose 09/27/05

and I don’t know what the answers are supposed to be anymore. I’m tired of looking for the answers sometimes, you know, and sometimes I just want someone to come along and tell me that everything is going to be okay and that they are going to be there for me and that they’ll take care of me. And that they’ll love me.
And when I say love, I don’t mean the kind of garbage that you hear people say to each other when they don’t even know what love is. I’m talking real love, lifetime love the kind of love that doesn’t go away.
Well, as I was saying, I want someone to come along and tell me that everything is going to be okay and that everything will get better and you know, just hearing someone say that and mean it would be enough.
I’d then be able to suspend my beliefs for a moment.
So what should I make out of this world? What should I make out of this world that doesn’t make sense? What should I make out of it?
I can hope, I suppose, but I’ve done that for years, and it gets me no where.
This whole ≥belief thing,≤ in things you have no proof of, really doesn’t get you anywhere. I’ve learned that much.
So what do I want?
I want someone to come along and let me not think for a while. Someone to come along and excite me and make me feel alive — but makes me feel that I’m safe.
I haven’t felt that in so long.
I’ve wanted you to be a part of my life in so many ways, for so many years now, and I think I’ve wanted it for so long and I’ve never told you. Well, maybe I should have told you when you would have wanted to hear it so many years ago.
And then maybe I wouldn’t feel so lonely for you and maybe I wouldn’t want so much more from you.
And maybe then things would be different.

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