[the Writing of Kuypers][JanetKuypers.com][Bio][Poems][Prose]


Supposed To Be 2005

started 11/24/98, converted to prose 09/27/05

You suggested to me that I should tell him how I feel. But I’m afraid that I would tell him too much about me.
And you’re not the first to tell me that. Okay, you’re the second but now I’m starting to think that on some levels this might be a good idea.
He called me when he got back into town last night he must have only been home for five minutes. And to me, it’s a good sign that he called. He’s either honest, or he misses me or something.
Or he thought of me. Or he was bored I don’t know.
And whatever the reason is it’s a good thing that he called, and I mentioned getting a hotel room for after or “night out,” which is tomorrow.
You know, I said, getting a hotel would be good because then I wouldn’t have to worry about getting home late.
At least that’s what I told him. So I was pushing that line a little farther — far enough to still be safe but far enough to still be a risk.
He said we’d talk about it when he called me today
Well, he hasn’t called me yet.
Who knows if we’ll get a hotel room I don’t know but the idea is there and well, that’s something.

Maybe you were right in saying that I should take my time but I’m an impatient girl and I want the answers yesterday. And maybe something will happen with me and him, and maybe it won’t be on my terms... and maybe I’ll have to get used to that.
Yes, I know he loves me and yes, I know he has thought about marrying me.
But there is no ring in my finger.

I know he has been confused, and I know I want to tell him not to be confused any more and I want to tell him that I’m there for him and if he lets me I can be there for him in the future, too.
So thanks for supporting me through all of this, and thanks for suggesting this all to me, all without trying.
Well, so, thank you.

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Chicago poet Janet Kuypers
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