[the Writing of Kuypers][JanetKuypers.com][Bio][Poems][Prose]


Stilts 2005

started 08/31/98, coverted to prose 09/27/05

I wish life just could get automatically easier. There should be more money, and if people would work, I’d wish for more people, ones that automatically think for themselves, and come up with their own conclusions. I suppose the world would just be easier if everyone automatically just got what they wanted and needed, when they knew what was right.
Wouldn’t it just be easier if people always got tickets and lost money and got screwed? That would make life so much simpler, if some people were just automatically punished and some people just never got punished?
Thought I’d get you on that one... You’re probably too used to me making sense, but every once in a while I’d like to think that I could be on of the people who didn’t get punished any longer, because I’m tired of being punished for sins I did not committ. I know there are so many bad people who get away with crimes, or get away with immoral acts, and they’re never caught, they’re never punished. And then there’s me, getting punished for doing nothing wrong. Where is the sense in that?

If I knew how many classes I had today, if I knew how much Hell I’d be forced to go through today, maybe then I’d be less irritable. That’s just my opinion...
Is this as good as it gets? Do I have to deal with a terrible schedule and does the usual pain seldom end? I just had to pick up my notebook and my purse and I had to collect myself in next to no time because they leave me unaware of my own schedule. I wish they wouldn’t give me physical therapy for an hour first thing in the morning. That pisses me off like nobody’s business. I want to be mean here but I have to be nice and I have three more hours of classes and life still sucks and I have four to five minutes of time off before the new and improved Hell starts. I have to nice while going through this abomination, because they’ll think something is wrong with me if I’m not nice and pleasant and patient and happy to be alive, when they’re really only sucking the life out of me. I don’t know how the average person deals with this lack of patience with a lack of any answers for hours a day every day. Is this what my life is supposed to be like? Is this the best of my news? Does anything in life ever get any better than the pain I usually feel?
Maybe I should just stop hoping. Maybe that way it would be just easier.

They — as in the teachers — who don’t know how to teach you anything (which is just my opinion) — made typed versions of the schedule for the day for everyone, including myself, and I had a long day today with long hours, like every other day last week. No one has a happy ending for anyone here. I mean, people who were in accidents and are in wheelchairs 5 or 6 years after their accident, and even the average person here can’t feed themselves or talk to anyone or even smile. What a life, to live like a patient. I mean, even consider a family friend of one of those said patients, where you have to take care of them all of the time. What al ife.
Everything is still the same. I was given a confusing test that had to do with my lack of reading or vision. So then I talked about my problems and I’m sure it got me nowhere. I should have learned my lesson years ago. Nothing ever gets better in my life. I should just know that it will never change. I’ve never wanted to face that, but does that mean I should just get it over with and face it? I guess it doesn’t matter. I have a 3rd teacher for the next hour. I suppose this means that nothing ever changes. Welcome to my life.

I’m getting tired of seeing people here walking on stilts.

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Chicago poet Janet Kuypers
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