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Crazy Women Talking: This Much I’ve Learned, 2005

11-24-98, converted to prose 09-12-05

I’m beginning to think the guy-side of me is supposed to make all the decisions, know what is right and what isn’t (I mean, people look at men differently than they do women this much I’ve learned).
So maybe if I told you what went through my head and I said it like I was a guy, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad then maybe you could handle the news then. Maybe I could tell you there’s this girl I know and she can’t be strong all the time, but she doesn’t know how to speak sometimes. I could tell you she needs attention, she needs to be helped but the punch line: she doesn’t need it from just anyone — she needs that from you
Maybe she wants to cry but she asks: who can she cry to anymore? She has no one, but she needs someone. And she needs that someone to be you.
I could say this, but some of this doesn’t make sense, some of it just sounds like a crazy woman talking but sometimes that’s what women are.
That’s what I would as a man have to ask you.
I’d have to ask, is she worth it?
After I get all of this out, I could stop acting like a guy and just be a girl again. You would listen and you would know what to do for me and maybe then you could be the guy and take control and make a decision so that I don’t have to make all the decisions because I’m not a guy, and I want you to be the guy, and I want you to make some decisions too. Even if the girl is strong, the one in control, she’s tired and wants to cry. And she wants to be held. So now it’s your turn.

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