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king of the universe

I used to be king of the universe. I used to have meaning and order and direction in my life. People came to me for ideas and answers and I gave them exactly what they needed. Some times I even gave them more. Some times they were pleasantly surprised with the knowledge, with the intelligence, with the fact that sometimes pieces fit together so well that it almost seems they were meant to fit that way. Less often they were disappointed; they didn’t see why my answers were better; they held my ability and my triumph against me. They could have been unintelligently avoiding the truth; they could have thought like a communist, thinking that someone else should not be revered, but the capitalist in them would think that it should have been THEM.

But it CAN be done. I used my brain and I proved them wrong. I was invincible. I produced RESULTS, and I did it with three times the speed of everyone else. People were amazed with me. I had a following.

There are many questions I ask. Maybe it is creativity in me that asks them and the engineer in me to want to find the answer. I have always been both. But when you get to the top, when you see the vew from the top, well, when you see it all, what more do you have to ask?

Although I do not claim to be God, I wonder: what would she do to this? If she finds someone like this, what does she do? My guess is that she would drop it, not kill it, because she is not a vengeful God, but she could punish it unjustly so that God could ask them: so now what? You’ve had all of the answers before, so what do you do now? When they get you out of the hospital, everyone will think that you are fine, but you are not; I DO that to you. And you’ll have to deal with it all, and you’ll have to remain strong, because that is what you do, you’ll have to be strong for everyone else, and inside you’ll be falling apart, and no one will understand. Who’s your messiah now?, she’ll ask. Will you have an answer?


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