For dad

you died with no tears
singing 'sentimental reasons'
with me through your mask.

You died looking for me - you said
in your mind,
to hold my hand and for the first time declare
I LOVE YOU SON

I'm crying.

not that I lament the fact
we didn't get along,
or regret anything I said.
but that so far I've let you down.

so this one, dad
is for you
this one last effort
this final brave attempt

I realise now, how you judged things
how you never, ever demanded
but quietly expected
In your patient silence
something special from me.